Ask the average American, New Yorker, or college student if they are lonely, and the response probably will be in the negative. However, a 2006 study by the American Sociological Review found that Americans on average have only two close friends to confide in, which was down significantly from 1985. The percentage of people who reported that they have no such confidant is 27% and only one confidant is 20%--meaning half the people in America have one or less real friends! 

If most people in America report having less then two real friends, then how come most people say they are not lonely? The answer may be in the form of a 2008 New York Magazine article arguing that New Yorkers are less lonely than most Americas because they have more "weak ties" (causal encounters, or loose friends). That is, they do not feel lonely because they have so many connections and relationships they can fall back on--even if those relationships are not really deep. The article boasts that, "...New York especially, might be the best place to ride out that period of lonely toil because New York, like the Internet, also offers a rich network of acquaintances, or what sociologists like to call "weak ties." 

These weak ties spoken of here are the same found in a thousand Facebook friends or hundreds of LinkedIn relationships. With so many connections and relationships, it is no wonder people do not feel lonely most of the time. So when do we? In my pastoral experience, loneliness usually comes when tragedy strikes and there are no deep relationships for individuals to turn to. There is no one who will stay that extra hour or two, who will listen when it is hard to listen, or who will comfort when the situation is no longer comfortable. Why, then, does it take pain and hardship to reveal that most of our relationships are shallow and unfulfilling? Usually, it is because we do not see the value of deeper relationships until we need them. Like a lot of necessary things in life, we do not realize how important meaningful relationships are to us until we need them. 

How can we prove to ourselves the innate value of deep relationships? How can we teach and remind ourselves why we should go that extra mile to cultivate these time-consuming enterprises? There may be no better place then the Biblical narrative of creation. It is here that we see that humans are deficient alone.  

The main passage used to show this is Genesis 2:18, 21-24. The first half of verse 18 states, "it is not good for man to be alone."  What is the big deal about this? The important placement for this passage is that this is considered to be before the Fall--before sin and brokenness entered the world. Therefore, this means that in paradise, when everything was perfect, something was wrong! For something to be wrong in paradise reveals that God created Adam purposefully to not be "good" on his own.  

Flushed out, it means if for the rest of time it was just God and Adam alone, things would not have been good. He needed a "helper" (the second half of verse 18).  Now before people here freak out about the word helper, it is crucial understand how this word is functioning. In English, helper often refers to someone who is subservient or below you as in, "He is my helper." In Hebrew, however, the translation is much more literal. A helper is someone who brings something to the table that you do not have. It means "to add" or "a resource." Ninety percent of the time when this word is used in the Bible it is referring to how God helps humankind. Therefore, it is not being used here to belittle women, but instead to lift them up in a patriarchal society. A helper has something you do not have. A helper has something you need, that you do not have on your own.  

The first thing we see here is that humans were created for each other and without each other "it is not good." Second, we need people in our lives that have something we don't have. We need a helper. Third, what happens when we do finally come together? 

Look what happens to Adam when he finally sees Eve. He says in v. 23, "this at last!!" He says it is about time! Apparently, he has been feeling lonely for a while. His subsequent lines are filled with the repetition and parallelism characteristic of Hebrew poetry when he says, "this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." Why does Adam become poetic in his language structure? Adam turns to poetry to express the beauty inherent in the fact that he is no longer alone. Have you ever gotten warm clothes out of the dryer when you were freezing and put them on? Or have you sensed that feeling of calm and completion after your last final that allows you to head back to your room and to finally sleep with nothing looming over you? It is that feeling that Adam talks about here. Things are right when he is no longer alone. Not only that, when Adam calls Eve, "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh," he is saying I know who I am because I know who you are. In other words, many of us are running around trying to define ourselves by our achievements or our careers; however, Christianity says we only are able to accurately know who we are based on our relationship with Him and with others. 
 

Finally, verse 24 shows us that this is not just about relationships in general, but it is also about marriage. We are going to talk about marriage later in the semester, but know this now: marriage is the metaphor used most often in the Bible showing to reveal the kind of relationship God wants to have with his people. Here, though, the Bible does a 180 degree turn on us when it states, "a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Why is this an amazing statement coming from a text that is thousands of years old?  In the ancient Near East, you would never had heard a statement like this. Never. You would have heard, a WOMAN shall leave HER father and mother and hold fast to HER HUSBAND. It would have stressed the woman's leaving, not a man duty to "hold fast" to his wife. This is a paradigm shift. This is reversal of the normal and cultural way humans thought. 

This passage is saying the way we think we about relationships are all backwards. From the very beginning of creation we are told we need relationships. They bring power into our lives that we do not have on our own, but the power is not the way we think—it is upside down and inside out. It is not through strength—it is a different power. That phrase is reversed to make us pay attention and to realize that God is different. Christian relationships are different. Christian relationships recognize that we are dependent on one another to make us who God intends us to be.  

Most students today think marriage is way ahead in the future for you, but it is not. God is saying he wants that relationship with us now. Through the person of Christ we get someone who is like us, but also is not like us. We get someone who will never let us down, someone who is all in, and someone who, even if we fail, will not abandon us. He will not go looking for someone cooler, smarter, or nicer. He wants that kind of intimacy right now.  

Why do we not reciprocate?  Do we have more important things to do? Maybe we are not convinced that there is a God. If you are though can you see how our relationships are shallow without him?

I love Facebook (speaking of which join our fan page). I use it all the time, but 1000 Facebook friends does not mean we are not lonely.  Everyone is lonely to some degree. Whether you are a Christian or not, loneliness is only solved by being known. Being known is only ultimately solved if we have relationship with the God of the universe.