Throughout history the way in which people have progressed from not knowing one another to marriage has shifted. What began as a business transaction shifted to courtship and, finally, to contemporary dating practices. Recently, however, conventional dating practices seem to have given way to a culture of hookups and one night stands—a culture in which there are no rules. The lack of rules breeds insecurity and superficiality in "relationships." How then do students navigate the waters of forming a healthy relationship? Do we fall into the cultural norm of meaningless hookups or do we "kiss dating goodbye?" Neither of these seems to adequately establish a way in which to engage in a positive dating relationship. What then do we do? 

It would be simple were the Bible to offer a how to on dating. It does not, however, provide such a roadmap. This does not mean that Scripture does not guide us on how to engage in meaningful and healthy relationships. On the contrary, we are given insight over and over again.  

First, it is imperative that we strike a balance when it comes to dating. The old system of courtship was completely oriented toward character assessment with an eye towards marriage. Current dating practices exist merely for recreation and fun. This type of dating is done without serious consideration about the future of the relationship. So should we never date? If you try only to go on dates with marriage-seeking intentions, you will most likely overwhelm the other person in the relationship. However, if you only date for "fun" with no further intentions, then you risk playing with the emotions of others. The alternative then is to date people for fun, yet with clear communication about intentions.  This can be challenging; however, it is the only way to honor the other person in the dating relationship.  

Secondly, it is imperative to date only those with the same faith assumption. II Cor. 6:14 speaks to the importance of being evenly yoked.  A yoke was a farming tool laid on top of two oxen to pull the plow. In order for the plow to function properly both animals have to be the same height and weight or one side of the yoke will pull the other side down. The same principle applies to marriage, and therefore, to dating (the process that should lead towards marriage). 

What is the logic behind this? It is simple. If your partner does not share your faith, then he or she does not understand it. If Jesus is central to you, then your partner cannot understand the core of who you are—the main component of your life and the motivation for all you do. You will make decisions that your partner cannot fathom. Therefore, if you marry someone who does not share your faith, there are only two ways to go. Either you keep your convictions, and your partner finds you more and more weird and tedious because your faith really does affect all that you do, or you simply move Christ out of the central core of who you are. If you keep Christ central, you will feel isolated from your spouse.  

Though the Bible does not speak specifically to dating, the principle of being evenly yoked does apply. To date someone of a different faith assumption reveals a misunderstanding of the purposes of dating and the role of faith in your life and relationships. Dating is not merely for your pleasure, because relationships are not meant merely for our pleasure. As anyone knows, good, deep relationships work when people not just in the relationship for what they can get out of it, but also for what they can give each other. While you need not marry the first person you date, every person you date should be someone that you could marry.  

Finally, it is imperative to understand what the term "attraction" means in its fullest sense. Often, the first line of defense as we identify and disqualify dating candidates is physical attraction. Though physical attraction can be important, it is comprehensive attraction that we should be seeking. Comprehensive attraction is an attraction that is rooted in someone's character or spiritual fruit as laid out in Galatians 5. We must look to identify the person's future self—the person that they are becoming as they seek to know God better. The deepest attraction forms when we catch a glimpse of what the person is becoming and long to be a part of that transformative process. 

Only when we are able to identify common vision and purpose can we then move forward. This awareness that we are part of a larger plan allows us to maintain a right perspective on our partner. We are then freed from needing our partner to be our savior because we recognize that we are working together to participate in a larger plan of salvation and redemption. Christ came to fix the broken and right the wrongs. He takes the brokenness and the pain and absorbs it himself. He is the Savior we need.